South African female authors share their journeys

first_img18 August 2016Trapped. A strong woman’s triumph over abuse is Capetonian Sam Scarborough’s diary, now published as a book. Her story – a confident and financially secure woman stuck is an emotionally abusive relationship – is meant to give hope to other women trapped in the same situation.Her diary, a despairing attempt to remain sane, tells the story of her moving toLondon with her daughter to be with her new partner. It chronicles how her lovestory, “suddenly changed and how she started to doubt herself, because accordingto him, everything was her fault”.Harrowing as her journey is, the book ends on a high note: “The good news isthat she got out of the toxic relationship – and so can you.”The abuseEmotional abuse is difficult to define, Scarborough says. Now, given herexperience, she understands what verbal abuse is. “There were words said to me,even if they were later denied. It was something concrete to hang on to, especiallybecause I wrote those words down in my diary.”Despite a mountain of research, it remains a difficult form of manipulation topinpoint. Unlike physical abuse, which leaves bruises and scars, the damage ispsychological. The pain more difficult for others to understand. “I certainly knowwhat it felt like for me, which is detailed in the diary I wrote, which became thebook.”Her writing processWriting a book about her personal experience was not easy. “It was frustrating,painful and hard to relive what I had gone through,” says Scarborough.The difficulty for Scarborough was to remain true and not glamourise theabuse. Exposing the worst of her life experience was also extraordinarily painful. “Ittook me a few months to write the actual book in the end. I wrote most nights afterwork, late into the night, transcribing all my notes and entries.“It was like reliving a nightmare. The patterns and cycles became boring, evento me. I was so frustrated with my own diary entries that I almost gave up onfinishing the book. I didn’t like the way I sounded, the way I acted, or the things Iwas saying – some parts actually made me cringe.“But, I decided to leave it all in, as that was my truth of what I went through,and there didn’t seem much point in glamourising it, or taking out the harduncomfortable parts.” Writing about her personal experience was difficult, says SamScarborough. (Image: NB Publishers)Being in a bad relationshipHer relationship, and her writing journey gave her a new perspective on thechoices people make in their relationships. “In the past I used to be extremelyfrustrated with friends who were in bad relationships, either of abuse, orrelationships that brought out the worst in them.“I just could not understand why my friends would not leave or could not leave.I had no idea what it was like to be in a bad relationship.”She says she had very little empathy for these friends of hers. “I eventuallyjust gave up on them.“I would like to think I will be a better friend now with a lot more understanding.I told my story to help others, not because I wanted to tell the story. And if this book can help just one person to free themselves, then I am glad it was published.”Returning to Cape TownScarborough says she would have loved to stay in London. “I have lived therebefore and still have loads of friends there.“But it wasn’t possible at the time. Coming back to South Africa was hard. Itfelt like a failure,” she confesses. “My apartment was rented out and we [she andher daughter] had nowhere to live. It was however the best decision I made, to putdistance between me and the situation I had got myselfinto.“It was a good break, something final. The decision to get on that plane andleave was not easy, as I was being promised the world, but it definitely got me outof the downward spiral I was in.”Scarborough, a graphic designer, art- and creative director, is also the author ofseveral children’s décor books like Children’s Rooms, CoolSpaces for Kids and Creative Rooms for Your Kids.Her book Trapped was recently published by NB Publishers.Simbongile MenteSimbongile Mente started writing Africa’s Daughters late in 2012.Three years later her book documenting the stories of women she mentored wascomplete. The women Mente wrote about are from the township Kayamandi in theStellenbosch area. Student pastor Mente launched her book last September at herchurch, the Apostolic Faith Mission of South Africa.The book explores the lives of 12 women, including herself. “I address issues like modern day slavery, molestation, low self-esteem, and your identity as a woman.”There are women like Thembi, the oldest of four sisters, who lost her motherwhile she was in high school.“Thembi’s father couldn’t afford to pay for all of their fees. She ended updropping out of school in grade 10. She took on two jobs to help her dad butthrough all of that she was disciplined. Thembi didn’t give up on her dreams andwent back to school. She is now studying nursing, just as her mother did,” explainsMente. Simbongile Mente documents the lives of 11 women and how theyovercame their challenging situations. (Image: Trudy van Rooy)The book’s titleMente says she wrote Africa’s Daughters to bring hope and encouragement to women in Africa and all over the world. “I decided on the title Africa’s Daughters because I was working with African women – engaging, empowering and mentoring African women. I was getting a personal look on their everyday lives.”She says publishing these kinds of stories raises awareness of the struggles ofwomen and, she hopes, to give the next generation a roadmap to avoid the samehazards. “It is important to inform our people so that they can be better equipped incommunicating these issues to their families. Families make up communities.“Africa’s Daughters’ message is one of hope where tragic situations can be turned into a message of light and transformation to this nation and Africa,” she advocates.More about MenteMente has a B. Tech degree in Public Relations and a BA degree in Theology.She started to write in high school to deal with her own low self-esteem anddepression. She started writing a journal filled with thoughts and emotions whichlater developed into poetry.Her friend Trudy van Rooy submitted one of her poems, All hope is gonefrom her, to a writing competition initiated by Africa’s Institute. “I was oneof the semi-finalists and my poem was featured in their book VenturingVistas,” says Mente. “I never stopped writing. I wrote poems and letters toGod, and still do during my meditation time.”Would you like to use this article in your publication or on your website?See Using SouthAfrica.info materiallast_img read more

The Leadership Playbook: What Not to Do. Who Not to Do It With.

first_img Essential Reading! Get my first book: The Only Sale Guide You’ll Ever Need “The USA Today bestseller by the star sales speaker and author of The Sales Blog that reveals how all salespeople can attain huge sales success through strategies backed by extensive research and experience.” Buy Now Strategy is about deciding how you intend to compete and win. It’s your plan to create an advantage, and it is how you create focus. As a leader, you are charged with ensuring that your sales strategies and sales tactics are aligned with the company’s overall strategy; they serve as a guide to what you will do.Strategy is also a guide to what you will not do.Who You Won’t ServeBringing strategy to life means deciding who you will not serve. It dictates who you will not pursue as clients as much as it dictates who you will. It is the underlying foundation for both targeting (the dream clients you will call on) and disqualifying (who you will not call on).If your company is not the price leader, your strategy will dictate that you forego calling on prospects whose primary deciding factor for choosing a partner is price. A price-driven prospect needs value creation around obtaining a lower price, and your value-creation lies elsewhere. That’s a strategic mismatch.Some large, well-known companies live their strategy, and it is, in part, why they are so successful. Apple Computers purposely and willingly gives up market share in laptop computers by targeting and selling to a higher price point; they are willing to lose all of the potential laptop buyers whose primary concern is price. The other side is WalMart. They are the low price leader, but if you want a clean, bright store instead of a warehouse for your household shopping, WalMart is willing to forego your business.This guidance is critical to leading the sales force effectively. When you can tell your sales force who not to call and why, you free up their time and the resources to focus on who you do want them to pursue.What We Won’t DoTargeting and qualifying are also more effective when the sales force has been provided concrete guidance as to what you won’t do.If there are some things that you can’t, won’t, or don’t want to do because your strategy dictates otherwise, then helping the sales force to understand the strategy prevents them from wasting time pursuing the wrong prospects.If a prospect requires a solution that you cannot provide, if they have very specific needs that you aren’t able to meet, or if they operate in a way that requires something other than what you do, eliminating the time working on these prospects frees up time for better activities.Because you need to identify and move opportunities through the pipeline from target to close, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to serve everybody. You might believe that maybe you can find a way to make what you do work, or maybe you could change the prospect’s mind about what they need. And sometimes, you may be able to find a way. But the great majority of the time, doing so is a more complicated decision that means making a bad strategic choice.Your strategy should guide what you do, as well as what you will not do. It should also guide who you target and who you disqualify. These decisions are critical, and you owe the sales force clear guidance.last_img read more

Ateneo snatches top spot, FEU humbles La Salle in men’s PVL

first_imgLATEST STORIES Marck Espejo led Ateneo with 17 points while Ishmael Rivera added 10.Joshua Umandal had 10 points to lead the Tigers who struggled in the offensive converting just 27 of its 93 spike attempts.FEATURED STORIESSPORTSWATCH: Drones light up sky in final leg of SEA Games torch runSPORTSSEA Games: Philippines picks up 1st win in men’s water poloSPORTSMalditas save PH from shutoutIn the second game, Far Eastern University bounced back after losing the third set and dropped De La Salle, 25-23, 25-19, 23-25, 25-18, to take its second win.The Tamaraws are now at 2-1 to tie UST at the second spot while La Salle dropped to 1-2. Frontrow holds fun run to raise funds for young cancer patients  Trending Articles PLAY LIST 00:50Trending Articles00:50Trending Articles00:59Sports venues to be ready in time for SEA Games01:37Protesters burn down Iran consulate in Najaf01:47Panelo casts doubts on Robredo’s drug war ‘discoveries’01:29Police teams find crossbows, bows in HK university01:35Panelo suggests discounted SEA Games tickets for students02:49Robredo: True leaders perform well despite having ‘uninspiring’ boss02:42PH underwater hockey team aims to make waves in SEA Games Fire hits houses in Mandaluyong City Better competition key to Kai Sotto’s improvement, says Uichico Ateneo took down University of Santo Tomas in straight sets, 25-21, 25-17, 25-18, to earn the top seed in the Premier Volleyball League Collegiate Conference men’s division Saturday at Filoil Flying V Centre.The Blue Eagles continued their win streak and improved to 3-0 while the Growling Tigers slipped to 2-1.ADVERTISEMENT Nonong Araneta re-elected as PFF president LOOK: Loisa Andalio, Ronnie Alonte unwind in Amanpulo for 3rd anniversary Don’t miss out on the latest news and information. center_img Brace for potentially devastating typhoon approaching PH – NDRRMC Mark Detablan had 17 points to lead FEU while getting ample support from three of his teammates.Redijohn Paler and Richardo Solis had 14 and 13 points, respectively, for the Tamaraws while substitute Jude Garcia added 11.Arjay Onia had a game-high 19 points to lead the Green Spikers.ADVERTISEMENT WATCH: Streetboys show off slick dance moves in Vhong Navarro’s wedding Read Next E.T. returns to earth, reunites with grown-up Elliott in new ad  BSP sees higher prices in November, but expects stronger peso, low rice costs to put up fight MOST READ View commentslast_img read more

Sciatic nerve

first_imgThe main nerve traveling down the leg is the sciatic nerve. Pain associated with the sciatic nerve usually originates higher along the spinal cord when nerve roots become compressed or damaged from narrowing of the vertebral column or from a slipped disk. Symptoms can include tingling, numbness, or pain, which radiates to the buttocks legs and feet.Review Date:4/16/2013Reviewed By:C. Benjamin Ma, MD, Assistant Professor, Chief, Sports Medicine and Shoulder Service, UCSF Department of Orthopaedic Surgery. Also reviewed by David Zieve, MD, MHA, Bethanne Black, and the A.D.A.M. Editorial team.last_img

10 months agoSchalke coach Tedesco: We could surprise Man City

first_imgSchalke coach Tedesco: We could surprise Man Cityby Paul Vegas10 months agoSend to a friendShare the loveSchalke coach Dominico Tedesco recognises they’re “outsiders” against Champions League opponents Manchester City.The two teams will meet in the round of 16.Tedesco, 33, stated: “We are looking forward to the games against Manchester City. “A really attractive opponent for us and our fans. We are outsiders, but will go into the duel without fear. “Anyway, we’ll cut everything out, maybe to bring a surprise.” About the authorPaul VegasShare the loveHave your saylast_img

3 days agoBlind: Painful watching Chelsea eclipsing Man Utd

first_imgAbout the authorFreddie TaylorShare the loveHave your say Blind: Painful watching Chelsea eclipsing Man Utdby Freddie Taylor3 days agoSend to a friendShare the loveAjax veteran Daley Blind admits it’s been painful to see Chelsea doing better than Manchester United.United sit 14th in the English top flight – just two points above the relegation zone – following Sunday’s draw with arch-rivals Liverpool.And Blind says it has been difficult to watch the plight of his former side this season.”Of course I’m not happy to see Man Utd and how they’re performing at the moment,” the 29-year-old told a press conference on Tuesday. “I’m still a fan of United and it’s not nice to see.”Regarding Chelsea, they are doing well, they have a good philosophy under a manager who wants to play out from the back. They play different attacking football with a lot of youngsters and that’s nice to see. “From that perspective, it’s good. But if you’re talking about United then I’m not happy about that, of course.” last_img read more

Kentucky Basketball: John Calipari Tells Colin Cowherd He Has To “Go To Church, Ask For Forgiveness” For His John Wall Criticism

first_imgJohn Calipari talks to Colin Cowherd about John Wall.John Calipari Colin Cowherd John WallColin Cowherd likes to criticize John Wall. The ESPN personality does it often on his radio show. For an in-depth look at Cowherd’s distaste for the Washington Wizards’ star point guard, you can read this by the Washington Post‘s Dan Steinberg. This morning, Wall’s college coach, John Calipari, went on Cowherd’s ESPN radio show. During his appearance, Calipari discussed Cowherd’s criticism of his former player. He doesn’t like it. The 56-year-old Wildcats’ coach joked that Cowherd has to “go to church” and “ask for forgiveness” for his Wall hate. Calipari to Colin Cowherd on John Wall hate: “You’ve gotta go to church, ask for forgiveness, let it go.”— Dan Bodner (@DanBodnerKSC) June 5, 2015Here’s video of the interview, courtesy of Sports Grid.This is why Kentucky fans love Calipari so much.last_img read more

Fox News streaming service Fox Nation to launch Nov 27

first_imgLOS ANGELES, Calif. – Fox News says its new streaming service will debut in November.Subscriptions to the service, Fox Nation, can be purchased starting Sunday. The cost is $5.99 monthly or $64.99 for a year.Fox Nation will launch Nov. 27 with original content featuring, among others, Fox News Channel hosts Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson, Laura Ingraham and Brit Hume.Fox Nation will satisfy the audience’s desire to watch content when and where they want, Fox executive John Finley said in a statement Thursday.A one-hour special detailing the service’s programming will air on the Fox News channel at 8 p.m. EDT Sunday. It will include Jesse Watters, Tomi Lahren and others who will be featured on Fox Nation.last_img

Columbus Crew draw English Premier League team Crystal Palace FC

The Columbus Crew hosted English Premier League team Crystal Palace F.C. in an international friendly at Crew Stadium Wednesday and a game with unlimited substitutions resulted in a 2-2 draw between the American and British sides.Forward Adam Bedell drew first blood for the Black and Gold on an arching assist by defender Eric Gehrig in the 15th minute, but the opposition was not deterred as Palace’s Glenn Murray equalized with a 36th minute strike.The final 10 minutes of the first half saw the visiting Eagles engage a tighter defensive stance of contesting for possession, likely inspired to battle after their forward evened the game for them.“From the start, they sat back a little bit. That’s just the way that they, that’s just their game plan,” Bedell said after the game, speaking to what the Premier League squad did differently from the Major League Soccer defenses the Crew face every week. “A good block of eight, good defending … MLS teams, when the game’s 0-0, you just play. You don’t see that, that block of eight very often so I think that was the big difference.”Another Crystal Palace goal by substitute midfielder Jake Gray in the 70th minute of play occurred following a scuffle in the box, during which Crew goalkeeper Matt Lampson pled his case for having been interfered with on the play. The goal stood to give the guests the 2-1 lead after they had been threatening in transition for the majority of the evening.One of the Crew’s three defensive halftime substitutions saw a homegrown player from Bexley, Ohio, in Ross Friedman get his first career action in a Black and Gold kit when he came in for fellow defender Chad Barson.Friedman, 22, had been playing for the USL-PRO affiliate Dayton Dutch Lions but got the call to suit up as a Crew reserve against a top-flight international team.“I think going out at Dayton and trying to do the little things right — not slacking in any way — you know, prepares me for situations like this,” Friedman said. “This opportunity proves to show we can get called at any point. Situations happen and you’ve got to be ready. So I felt happy with my preparation and I’m ready to build off of it.”Columbus notched an 80th minute goal, however, to tie the game once more.Crew center midfielder Agustin Viana delivered a lofting assist from 35 yards away and his attacking counterpart, Daniel Paladini, fought to contact the ball in midair for the equalizing header. The tie game endured through two minutes of second-half stoppage time.“Adam (Bedell) was fantastic. He had a great header and Danny (Paladini) made a nice run trying to get midfielders running into the box. I was pleased over all,” Crew coach Gregg Berhalter said.Berhalter, who played as a defender for Crystal Palace from 2001-02, added that “the defending could have been a bit better.”The game marked the first of three stops on Crystal Palace’s American tour before the Premier League season kicks off in August.The Crew are slated to resume MLS play when they travel to Foxboro, Mass., to take on the New England Revolution in a crucial Eastern Conference matchup Saturday.Kickoff is slated for 7:30 p.m. read more

Mbappe certain that Neymar will stay

first_imgThere were a lot of rumours saying that Neymar can possibly leave PSG and come back to La Liga to join Real Madrid – but his teammate Kylian Mbappé believes that he will stay no matter what.The Brazilian star joined the French club before the season from Barcelona and he became the most expensive player in the football history – and Mbappé insisted that another transfer is just a “hot air”.The French youngster spoke about Neymar’s situation as he said, according to Sports Keeda:“It’s nothing but hot air.”Opinion: Neymar will earn respect back from the PSG fans Tomás Pavel Ibarra Meda – September 14, 2019 After completing his incredible return to Parc des Princes, we predict that Neymar will earn the respect back from PSG supporters.The situation between Neymar…“Neymar sends me messages, gives me the news. I wished him a good World Cup, but not to win it.”“Of course, I have the goal of winning the World Cup. It’s even a dream. If we progress well, we can achieve something.”“I’m not sure that Emery will leave, even if he is at the end of his contract.”“I don’t know if he talks to the club. We’ll see who will replace him if he leaves, but he is not leaving at the moment.”last_img read more